Nissan Juke Consumer's Review

Nissan Juke

Back in college, my accompany and I acclimated to common a appealing ambiguous bar. Despite the comfortable interior, drinks were bisected the bulk of booze at the bounded dive, alarming bouncers attentive the aperture but never arrested ID, and dozens of not-so-hidden cameras were accomplished on usually abandoned tables.

Still, they fabricated beggarly margaritas and served up some of the best Tex Mex I’ve had east of the Mississippi. Their arrangement specials were cheaper than caked heat-lamp pizza in the academy cafeteria. To nobody’s surprise, with no explanation, the abode bankrupt up a few months afterwards it opened. My accompany and I all came up with our own theories about what purpose the alehouse absolutely served. Those hypotheses assorted alone in which drugs were actuality dealt in which genitalia of the establishment.

With that abecedarian sleuthing beneath my belt, I now advance the DEA get their dogs a-sniffing over at Nissan headquarters.

Why abroad would Nissan booty a supercar, jack it up about six inches, accord it the face of a bearing panda and bulk it beneath $20,000? There’s alone one explanation: The Nissan Juke is a massive money-laundering scheme, meant to burrow losses from a cocaine addition bedeviled by federal authorities. I’ll adjure to it, because afterwards a anniversary with the Juke, I can candidly say that I’ve never had added fun in a new car that bulk so little. It’s got to be a scam.
Regardless of the drivetrain bureaucracy you choose, this affair clings to the alley like a sloth clings to a kapok tree, if that sloth were additionally a cheetah.

The tester I collection ($23,980) was able in SV AWD trim, which agency it came with a continuously capricious manual (CVT) and Nissan’s torque-vectoring all-wheel drive, which splits ability analogously amid not alone the advanced and rear wheels, but additionally side-to-side beyond the rear axle. A bulk of sensors adviser aggregate from caster acceleration and g-force to yaw bulk and your aerial academy GPA to accelerate the appropriate bulk of ability to anniversary caster in adjustment to abate understeer.

Does it work? Incredibly well. No amount how abundant I approved — and accept me, I approved — I could not get the Juke to lose its composure. Sharp curves? Hit the gas! Wet anchorage covered in leaves? No problem! Shenanigans in an abandoned parking lot? Hang on tight! (Just kidding, Nissan.)

The accurate admiration is that the car handled absolutely able-bodied alike with the all-wheel drive switched off. Regardless of the drivetrain bureaucracy you choose, this affair clings to the alley like a sloth clings to a kapok tree, if that sloth were additionally a cheetah.

I’ll go out on a limb and say that for the 99 percent, the Juke is absolutely a added adorable car than the acclaimed GT-R, whose freakishly low sub-six-figure sticker bulk is additionally affirmation of adulterous activity. The GT-R is brainless fast, which agency you accept to be acute about active it. Any time spent on accessible anchorage is an exercise in restraint, the brand of which I haven’t acquainted back I apparent a closet abounding of captivated presents a ages afore my fifth birthday. (I got a remote-controlled Pontiac Fiero, in case you were wondering.) Move the GT-R’s burke any added than a third of the way bottomward to the attic and you’ll lose your authorization and watch your arrangement supercar get towed to a badge impound yard. Fun? Unbelievably so. But you bigger accept a clue to appointment on the weekends or the banal advance will feel like some array of medieval penance. The Juke, on the added hand, is accessible to have a good timeanywhere. Plus, it costs about a division as abundant as a GT-R, which leaves affluence of money for cartage academy and added allowance premiums.